Do you remember what it was like helping your toddler learn to walk? One moment you were offering support, the next you were gingerly letting go so they could try on their own — all the while wondering if you were doing it the “right” way.
Should I let her crawl more?
She’ll walk when she’s ready.
Maybe I should hold his hands.
I’ll just wait and see what happens.
When she falls, I feel it too.
Even in those early moments, we were showing the beginnings of our parenting styles. Sometimes our approach remains consistent. Sometimes we change it consciously as we learn and grow alongside our kids. And sometimes it evolves without us even realizing it.
Parenting styles are not boxes we’re locked into, but patterns — ways of guiding, supporting, and responding that shape how our kids experience us. And those patterns have a real influence on how teens build confidence, handle setbacks, and see themselves in the world.
I created the Parenting Style Quiz to help parents identify their style and become aware of their personal patterns. By answering just 12 questions, the quiz shows you which of the five styles you lean toward in your parenting.
Why Parenting Style Matters
Research shows that the way we interact with our teens affects everything from their motivation at school to their ability to bounce back from stress.
But it’s important to know that it’s not about being a “good” or “bad” parent: it’s about awareness. Every style has strengths and every style has challenges. Becoming aware of and understanding those patterns more clearly helps us parent with confidence instead of second-guessing ourselves.
The 5 Parenting Styles for Teens
Here are the 5 most common parenting styles:
1. Goal-Oriented Planner
- Strengths: Brings structure, routines, and clear expectations. Teens often feel secure knowing what to expect.
- Challenges: Too much structure can feel like pressure. Teens may worry they don’t have enough room to experiment or feel afraid to make mistakes.
2. Balanced Guide
- Strengths: Encourages independence while offering reliable support, helping teens grow their decision-making skills.
- Challenges: Finding balance isn’t always easy. Some days independence for teens can feel empowering, and other days it can feel overwhelming.
3. Supportive Mentor
- Strengths: Offers encouragement, builds trust, and nurtures self-belief. Teens often feel truly seen.
- Challenges: The urge to help can sometimes mean stepping in too quickly, before a teen has had the chance to problem-solve on their own. It’s a natural instinct — most of us want to step in before they stumble.
4. Encouraging Observer
- Strengths: Respects individuality and creates space for independence. Teens often appreciate the trust.
- Challenges: Without enough active guidance, teens may read this as disinterest — even if that’s not the intention.
5. Empathic Nurturer
- Strengths: Deeply tuned in to emotions, creating safety and belonging.
- Challenges: It can feel hard to set limits or stay calm during conflict, which may leave teens unsure of where the boundaries are.
What These Styles Mean for Your Teen
Each of these styles influences a teen’s growing sense of self in a different way. The challenge for all parents is finding the balance that works in their own parent–child relationship:
- Structure can be grounding, but resilience grows when mistakes are allowed.
- Independence can build confidence, but too much freedom without guidance can feel overwhelming.
- Emotional closeness strengthens trust, but clear limits provide safety, too.
The important thing to remember is that understanding your parenting style isn’t necessarily about changing who you are. It’s about noticing your patterns — both strengths and challenges — and paying attention to how they impact everyday family life.
How to Use This Insight
Here are a few questions you might reflect on:
- What am I confident I’m doing well?
- Where do I find myself struggling?
- Where might my teen need something different from me right now?
- Do my strengths as a parent help my teen face challenges with confidence? If not, what might be getting in the way?
None of us gets it perfect every day. But increasing our awareness is what helps us build on our strengths, work on our challenges, and improve our relationship with our teens.
Parenting through the teen years is complex, but paying attention to our own style can make things clearer. When we know our patterns, we can respond with clarity instead of doubt.
Back when we were helping our toddlers learn to walk, we learned that letting go wasn’t about stepping away — it was about being close enough for them to know we were there. Parenting teens isn’t so different.
👉🏼 Take the Parenting Style Quiz
Want more on how everyday parenting choices build your teen’s confidence? Read my article on The Role of Parenting in Shaping Teen Confidence.
